Hostage
by CrimeShowTwinz13
Summary: Castle is held hostage in his own home. Can Beckett save him before it's too late? Multi-chaptered, Castle and Beckett centric. Some minor language. Enjoy!
1. Chapter 1

Hostage

It had been too easy. The key was confidence; he walked right past the doorman like he belonged there, even so bold as to give him a smile. He knew exactly what floor number to press, and proceeded up to the apartment. _Too easy._

Sliding the ghost key from his jacket pocket, he pushed it into the lock and turned. He heard the tumblers fall in to place, and the _click_ let him know he was in. With a flourish, he opened the door and slipped inside.

_So this is where he lives?_ He thought to himself as his eyes wandered the room. Quietly, he positioned himself in a dark corner. _He won't know until it is too late_. The man went over the plan for the hundredth time in his head. All was going perfectly. A chuckle escaped in to the empty apartment. He settled down to wait to spring the next step in his perfect plan.

"Please, Beckett! Just a real quick stop at my place so I can change? These new pants are practically ruined now!" Castle whined, rubbing at a dark smudge slowly becoming permanent on his dress pants.

"Oh come on Castle, really? Don't be such a baby," Beckett replied, hiding a smile. She watched as he stubbornly tried to remove the combination of dirt, rainwater, and alley filth from various places on his clothes. Castle looked up at her with those pleading puppy dog eyes.

"It'll only take 5 minutes I swear! I'll be in and out before you know it!"

Kate sighed. She wanted to be back at the precinct as soon as possible to get started on this case. But taking one look over at Castle, she knew her mind was made up. She did not want to have him complaining all day about his "designer pants" and how "the stains will never come out now". Taking a quick right turn, she said, "In and out. Five minutes Castle, and not a second more."

Castle smiled in victory.

Practically running to the door, Castle plunged the key in the hole and turned.

"Well, that's odd. I could have sworn I locked it before I left…" Castle muttered, confused. _Maybe Alexis and Mother got home a few days early from their girls vacation, _he thought absentmindedly.

The door swung open and he stepped inside. Flicking on the lights, he made for the stairs.

"Alexis? Mother?"

Silence.

An uneasy feeling twisted itself in his stomach. Brushing off his irrational fears, he quickly bounded up the stairs and in to his room. Checking his watch, he realized he only had 2 minutes left. Throwing his ruined pants aside, he slipped on a practical pair of jeans and hurried down the stairs.

_Meanwhile…_

The man was just going to get up and stretch his legs when he heard a key in the door. He froze. _No one should be home yet. I just saw him leave. And the two women were away. No one should be coming in!_

He listened to the footsteps. All seemed fine, until he heard them pause. He held his breath. _Idiot! _Wanting to slap himself for his foolishness, he realized that he forgot to lock the door once he was inside. _Was the plan blown? _The footsteps continued up the stairs after a few seconds, and the man exhaled. _That was close_.

_Who could be here? _He only heard one set of footsteps, so he assumed it was him. He smiled wickedly in to the darkness. _This is almost too easy._

Castle bounded down the stairs, a spring in his step. Murder has that affect on him. He was reaching for the handle when he heard something. Turning around, he just caught a glimpse of the shape of a man before pain exploded in his head. He slammed back against the door, knees almost buckling underneath him. He put his hand to his head with a grimace. Taking his hand away, he saw something dark glistening in the light. It took him a second to realize what he was looking at; it was his own blood.

Cringing, he looked up. The man held a 9 mil trained at his head. Castle leaned back against the door and wiped at the blood trailing down from a gash above his eye. His mind raced. Who was this guy? What did he want?

The man cocked his head, as he looked Castle up and down. _Hm, so this is the infamous Richard Castle. What a pleasure. _A wicked grin broke out on the man's face.

"Hello, Mr. Castle."

Castle steeled at the mention of his name. He mustered as much courage as he could and glared threateningly at the man.

"What do you want?"

A laugh filled the air between them. It sent chills down Castle's spine. He'd heard laughs like that before; those laughs were hard to forget. Wicked, sadistic, maniacal.

"Why, Mr. Castle, isn't it quite obvious? I am here for you."


	2. Chapter 2

Kate drummed her fingers on the steering wheel impatiently. _Where was he?_

Checking her watch again, she sighed. It had been 10 minutes. Castle needed 10 minutes to change a pair of pants? Unbelievable. God knows what he was doing. He probably got distracted by something shiny and forgot all about his promise to be out in a flash.

_I'll give him another couple of minutes. Then I am going to go up there, drag him down here by his styled hair, and kick his ass._

Beckett switched the radio on and shuffled the stations around until a familiar song filtered through the speakers. She settled back into her seat to wait a few more minutes…

Beckett roused groggily from her nap. She rubbed her eyes and searched for the time. Sighing in relief, she realized she'd only closed her eyes for 15 minutes. She quickly typed out a message to Castle asking where he was. Seconds later, she got a reply.

"Hey. Really tired and not feeling too good. I'm going to stay home. See you later."

The text lacked everything Castle. No witty comments, no sarcastic jibes, nothing. She justified his un-Castleness to the fact that he wasn't feeling well. Beckett shrugged her shoulders, started up the car, and headed to the precinct.

Castle wiggled his fingers trying to loosen the zip ties around his wrists. No luck. He was stuck, and he wasn't getting out anytime soon. He sighed. He remembered asking the man what he wanted, but after that it all went blank. His head was pounding in sync with the rapid beating of his heart.

Swallowing the bile in the back of his throat, he rested his head back on the chair. Beckett knew he was here; Beckett would come for him. But something about that thought felt wrong, like subconsciously he knew that wasn't actually going to happen. He shut his eyes tight as he wracked his brain trying to come up with some answers. What had happened?

_1 hour earlier…_

"_Why, Mr. Castle, isn't it quite obvious? I am here for you."_

_Castle jerked back in surprise. What could this man possibly want with him? _

"_I have money, lots of it. You can take whatever you want." _

_The man laughed at the absurd comment._

"_No, Mr. Castle. I have no need for your money. I want something else, something even more valuable."_

_Castle stared at the man confused. Blood from the cut on his forehead dripped down into his eye and caked his cheek._

_With a wicked grin, the man told him exactly what he wanted. Castle's eyes grew wide._

"_Revenge."_

_The man lashed out and hit Castle right in the gut with a strong punch. Castle doubled over, the breath escaping his lips. With a final blow, the man brought his gun down on the back of Castle's head. He crumbled at the impact, dropping with a thud to the floor. He lay unmoving, unthreatening._

_The man dragged his cargo over to a chair. Heaving Castle up to a sitting position, he dumped him in the seat and secured Castle with the zip ties from his pocket. The man turned away, confident that the author would not escape. _

_Suddenly, a noise pierced the silence. Starting in surprise, the man stalked to his captive, wondering where the offending sound was coming from. Searching his pockets, the man found Castle's cell phone. It had a message from a Kate Beckett._

_The man growled. Kate Beckett. Oh, how he loathed her. He looked at the slumped form of Richard Castle and hatred burned in his eyes. How he loathed them both for what they did. _

_Glancing at the phone in his hand, he opened the text. _

"Where are you?"

_The man chuckled to himself. Again, it was all too easy. _

_He typed out a reply and sent it quickly. Placing the cell phone on the counter, he walked back over to Castle. The man leaned forward and whispered in his ear, "Your little detective friend was wondering where you were. Sorry to say, you won't be seeing her for a while. No one will be coming to look for you. Oh, we are going to have so much fun…" The man laughed to himself. He pulled the zip ties a little tighter around Castle's hands and feet, the plastic digging painfully into his skin. His captive moaned at the added pressure, but didn't stir. _

_The man pulled out a chair from the kitchen table and placed it right across from the hunched form of the author. Now, the waiting begins…_

"It's time to wake up, Mr. Castle!"

Castle's eyes flew open at the voice. Pain tore through his head as light pierced his eyes. He gasped at the excruciating pounding in his skull. Gritting his teeth against the pain, he brought his head up from where his chin had rested against his chest. He glared at his captor, but he couldn't quite see him clearly. The blurred vision was making it hard to identify the man behind the voice.

The man moved closer stealthily, barely making a sound as he neared Castle. Grabbing a fistful of his prisoner's hair, he yanked his head up to meet his gaze. Castle barely choked down a pained cry as his head was jerked up roughly. Black spots tinged the edge of his vision as the man's face swam before him. He took deep breaths, trying to get the pain under control.

The man grinned, revealing a set of perfectly white teeth.

"I have so been looking forward to formally meeting you, Mr. Castle."

"The pleasure is all mine," Castle replied sarcastically.

Darkness enveloped the man's eyes. Suddenly, his fist connected with Castle's stomach, driving the air from his lungs. Castle let out a strangled cry, curling in on himself as much as he could. Pain flared up from his abdomen and spread to his chest as his oxygen-deprived lungs tried to suck in some air.

"Now, now. I have certain rules that must be followed. Or there will be consequences…_severe_ consequences. Do I make myself clear?"

Castle nodded weakly. He didn't really want that to happen again.

"Rule number one, Mr. Castle: _no sarcastic replies_. Do I make myself CLEAR?" Castle shrunk back from the obvious rage in the man's voice. Another nod told the man to continue. "Rule number two: do not try and lie to me. I will know, and it will not end well for you. And finally rule number three: make no effort to escape, no loud shouts to draw attention, no attempts to contact your friends at the NYPD. If I so much as think you are trying to escape…well, for your sake, I hope I don't have to go there."

Castle repeated the rules to himself. He was going to try very hard not to forget them. He didn't want to know just what breaking rule number three would earn him. But he was finding it increasingly difficult to concentrate on what the man was telling him. He was very tired. His eyes drifted closed and he let out a shaky breath. Silently, he prayed someone would find him, and find him soon. He thought about Beckett and hoped she would come looking for him. Castle's head rolled forward to rest on his chest and succumbed to unconsciousness.

Kate glanced at the clock on her computer. It had been a few hours since she had heard from Castle. Frowning to herself, she played back over the morning. Castle wasn't acting sick before they stopped at his apartment. Something in that sent off warning bells in Beckett's head. She reached for her phone to give him a call, ask him if he needed soup or anything. Her finger hovered over the send button.

_You're overreacting, Kate. Stop being stupid. He is a grown man and can take care of himself._

Her musings brought little comfort. She squirmed in her seat, uncertain what to do. Looking again at the clock, she made a decision. At the end of shift she'd pick up some soup and tea and bring it by his apartment. Happy with her decision, she picked up her office phone to talk to the family of their latest murder victim.


	3. Chapter 3

Heavy footfalls echoed in the loft. Castle raised his head at the sound, trying to figure out where it was coming from. He struggled against his restraints, seeking his mysterious captor.

The man came up from behind him, startling Castle. He sneered at the weakness he saw. _So pathetic. _The writer restrained before him would be too easy to break. The man could already tell the earlier attack had had its desired effect. Dried blood coated the side of his captive's face, originating from a nasty wound above his right eyebrow. He was also hunched in on himself, with bowed shoulders, trying to lessen the pressure on his bruised stomach. _Oh, this is just the beginning, _the man thought sadistically.

"Now. Mr. Castle. Hello, you with me? Good, good. My name is of little importance. But, you may call me… Derek. Yes. Derek is the perfect name." The man laughed at his clever choice for a name. _Named like the hero in your precious books, Mr. Castle. Oh, the irony, oh the cleverne_s_s! _ "Now with that all settled, let's continue, shall we? I am here for revenge, as I stated previously. And do you know what I want revenge for?"

The man's question took Castle by surprise. His blank expression must have been answer enough, as the man continued.

"No of course you don't. Well, I have decided to divulge to you the reason I targeted you. Are you ready to hear this?"

Castle just stared at Derek, uncertain what he was going to say. _A disgruntled fan? No don't be silly Richard. Someone from his past? Maybe._

Before Castle could come up with another scenario, the man crossed the distance between them, setting his hands on the chair arms, a stony look in his eyes.

"You murdered my brother, Mr. Castle. It may not have been you who personally killed him, but you and Detective Beckett arrested him for a crime he didn't commit. He died in prison last week. I have you, and you alone, to blame for his death. And I will make sure you feel the pain I felt."

_Your brother? _Castle was having a hard time keeping up with what his captor was saying.

"I-I don't know what you-you are talking about," Castle sputtered out, trying hard to focus on the violent words being thrown his way.

The man's expression suddenly morphed, as if a switch had been flicked. With a large swing, he lashed out a fist and it connected with Castle's chest with a sickening crack. Castle's breath caught in his throat as the air was stolen from his lungs. Pain flared up from his ribs and he clenched his fists tightly, trying to ride out the wave of agony. _I'm just a writer; it's supposed to be a non-violent profession. Where was this in the job description?!_

He was finally able to draw in a breath after what seemed like hours. It had really only been a few, pain-filled seconds. Castle shut his eyes and kept his breathing shallow, not wanting to aggravate his throbbing chest. He only opened his eyes when he suddenly felt the man's warm breath in his face.

The anger in the man's eyes diminished to a mere glimmering ember, either to die out, or be brought back to life.

"Rule number two, Mr. Castle. Or have we already forgotten? I am a no-nonsense kind of man and I will not tolerate your _lies!_" Derek whispered menacingly in Castle's face. Castle would have almost preferred to have been yelled at. The whole whispering thing sent chills down his spine. It made his gut twist uncomfortably and the effect was even more terrifying.

Castle attempted to shrink away from the crazed man with a wild glint in his eye, but it only resulted in intensifying his pain as the movement strained his burning chest. Fresh pain snaked its way into his awareness and he hissed in discomfort. _Ribs. Possibly broken, definitely hurting. _The man watched with pleasure as pain flitter across his captive's face and continued his whispered threats.

"You do know of whom I am speaking. You and that _detective_ friend of yours put my brother in jail for a crime he didn't commit! He was innocent and you put him in prison with drug lords, thieves and murderers! Two months into his sentence, he was shanked in the yard. Died, bleeding out, and all alone. I want to be sure you suffer the same fate."

Castle's eyes hardened at Derek's words. _So this psychotic SOB's out to get me because Beckett and I put his brother away in jail? We put so many people away it's hard to keep track of them all. Something about the shanking in the prison yard sounds familiar, like I'd heard it somewhere recently…_

Castle briefly closed his eyes, trying to get his thoughts sorted out. _I need to remember all that I can about this guy. If I can learn more about him, maybe I could use that information to my advantage… Focus Rick! Focus! Okay, all right, remember what he's been saying. He said his brother went to jail for a crime he didn't commit. Typical. He was shanked and bled out. He's obviously seeking some sort of justice for his brother's murder. He blames Kate and I… _

Castle's eyes snapped open at that thought. Ignoring the throbbing in his temples, and the ache in his chest, he locked eyes with Derek and asked, "You want _me_ to suffer the same fate? Just me?"

"Just you? Why no, Mr. Castle. Detective Beckett will most certainly suffer as well."

Castle's stomach flipped at Derek's words.

"But her suffering will be…psychological, if you will, not physical like yours. You see as much physical pain as I can cause her, it would be even _more_ fun to torture her mentally! I'll be sure she's the one to find your body. The pain and guilt she'll feel after seeing you murdered, will be better than any torture I can inflict on her. Killing you, her partner, will the best revenge."

Castle swallowed at the man's revelation. He couldn't let this man win. He couldn't let Beckett find him broken and beaten. He didn't want Beckett to think that he'd given up…stopped fighting...

He shut his eyes as he realized how deeply it would cut her if she found him bled out and murdered. She'd be sure to flash back to her mother's murder. He couldn't be the cause of all that pain. He couldn't bear it.

He wouldn't lose; he wouldn't give in. He'd stay strong for Beckett. With a newfound resolve, Castle opened his eyes and gave Derek the coldest stare he could muster.

"Bring it on."

Derek looked down at Richard Castle, the critically acclaimed author of crime novels, and frowned. At the beginning, the author had seemed so compliant, so pathetic. But now, the author was fixing him with an icy, defiant stare. _Where had the submissive author gone?_

The man reviewed his recent taunts, pacing the floor in thought, flicking his gaze over to his captive appraisingly as he went. Castle just kept glaring at him, a fierce look in his sea blue eyes. The man suddenly stopped short, and turned slowly to face Castle. An evil grin spread across his face as the light bulb clicked. _She was the key. She was his weakness. Oh, this…this can be useful._

Looking at his prisoner now, he could tell something had changed. A rebellious air had enveloped Castle. He made bold eye contact, and didn't slouch his shoulders. Creases at the corners of his eyes and a clenched jaw told Derek he was still in a decent amount of pain. But it never blatantly showed; he was hiding it well. A fresh confidence had found it's way into his captive. _That will only make you more fun to break, _Derek thought wickedly. _And I know exactly how to do it._

"But then again, physically torturing her could be just as fun…"

Castle's eyes widened, and anger turned his vision red as he struggled savagely against his restraints.

"I swear if you lay one hand on her Derek! You can do anything to me…just leave Kate out of this. Leave her alone!" Castle bellowed at the man, ignoring the biting of the zip ties, ignoring any and all pain, as he tried to leap from his chair. _There is no way he's getting to Beckett. No way._

Derek threw back his head and laughed maniacally. He wanted to give himself a pat on the back for his fantastic intuition. So she really _was_ Castle's weakness, his pressure point. It had been so easy to get a rise out of him.

"Leave her alone?" Derek asked suggestively, drawing out each syllable. "Why should I?"

"You have me, Derek," Castle reasoned. "You can do anything, anything to me! You don't need her. You said so yourself, it will be torture enough when she finds my…body. Just don't hurt her."

Castle cringed at the pleading sound of his voice. But he had no choice. He couldn't let anything happen to Kate. Just the thought of this man harming her made his stomach revolt.

"Anything?"

Long fingers extracted a combat knife from a jean pocket. Derek slowly and meticulously opened the blade. He ran a finger along the smooth surface that glinted in the dim light. Castle's eyes opened wide at the object in his captor's hand, but he refused to say anything. He watched as Derek casually walked ever closer, the knife griped in his left hand.

Castle took a calming breath and met Derek's predatory gaze. With as much courage as he could muster, Castle responded.

"Anything."


	4. Chapter 4

_Previously:_

"_Anything?"_

_Long fingers extracted a combat knife from a jean pocket. Derek slowly and meticulously opened the blade. He ran a finger along the smooth surface that glinted in the dim light. Castle's eyes opened wide at the object in his captor's hand, but he refused to say anything. He watched as Derek casually walked ever closer, the knife griped in his left hand. _

_Castle took a calming breath and met Derek's predatory gaze. With as much courage as he could muster, Castle responded. _

"_Anything."_

Derek smiled cruelly.

Twirling the knife in his hand, Derek closed the distance between them. _Now, the fun begins._

The knife tip drew closer and closer until it was mere centimeters from Castle's cheek. "Facial wounds are very non-intrusive. They sting, and bleed a lot, but won't cause too much damage." With that, Derek pressed the knife down into the skin on Castle's face. He drew the blade down, following the writer's jawline and leaving a red line in its wake. Blood quickly came to the surface and slipped from the wound on Castle's cheek. It wasn't too deep, but Castle still hissed in obvious pain at the first cut.

Derek watched as the blood slowly dripped from the wound, running down Castle's jaw, to his neck, then staining the collar of his very expensive white shirt. _Guess he's ruined another piece of clothing today,_ Derek thought_. _Surveying his victim, Derek contemplated where he would inflict his next wound.

"Do you know how much pressure it takes to break human skin?"

Castle's muffled scream was answer enough.

A long gash extended from wrist to elbow on Castle's arm. Blood was seeping from the wound steadily; this laceration had been deeper. The warm, red liquid stained his shirtsleeve. Castle tried to breathe through the pain. He bit back the yell that threatened to escape his lips, not giving Derek the satisfaction of hearing him scream. He brought his gaze to meet that of his kidnapper, not letting the pain shine through his eyes._ Stay strong. Don't give up. Think of something, something to take your mind off the pain…_

Beckett's face swam in to his thoughts. He imagined being at the precinct, helping her solve the latest murder. He imagined telling her one of his wild theories, and making her laugh. Oh, how her laugh made his heart swell. That simple, sweet, and innocent sound made him want to wrap his arms around her and protect her from everything. He wanted to shield her from all the dangers and sorrows and heartaches of the world. He wanted to do everything he could to keep her laughing like that. And he knew, with every second he held on, every minute he didn't let Derek win, he was doing just that.

The pain in his arm was finally subsiding to a steady throb, and no longer stung quite so bad. The bleeding had slowed, and was now down to a slow trickle that dripped onto the floor. The pain, it got better after awhile; he'd have to remember that. Because looking at Derek, eyes gleaming like a predator with his prey cornered, wiping the stray blood from his blade, he knew things were far from over.

Derek stooped over and leaned in close to Castle. Whispering, he said, "I will make you suffer. The way my brother suffered. You will die tonight, Mr. Castle."

In one swift motion, the cold metal of the knife pierced Castle's stomach. If he thought he was in pain before, that was nothing compared to the fire coursing through his stomach now. The knife was brutally yanked out of the wound. Castle couldn't contain his moan of pain. He shut his eyes and gasped for air. The pain was so intense it stole the breath from his lips. He could feel the sticky fluid flowing from the wound, seeping into his shirt and coating his stomach.

Black tinged the edge of his vision as his head rolled forward to rest on his chest. Castle was breathing heavily, trying to get the pain under control. _He said he'd leave Beckett alone. Fight it, Richard. If you fight, he won't hurt her. Don't give in. Don't. _The thoughts of Beckett kept his tiny flicker of hope alive, and the fighter in him willing to take another hit. With a groan, Castle brought his head up and blinked sluggishly. He locked away the pain, sending it to the back of his mind. _You can do this. You __can__ take this._

Derek scowled at the author. It seemed he wasn't going to give up easily. _Look at him. Playing the hero like from one of his books. How sweet, being all big and brave to try and save the girl. Well, every hero needs a villain. And I'll show him what a _real_ villain is like. Then maybe he won't want to be the hero anymore…_

Slipping the knife closed and returning it to his pocket, Derek rolled up his jacket sleeves. With a spark in his eye, he addressed the injured author.

"Shall we continue, Mr. Castle?"

Castle didn't see the first punch coming until it was too late. He felt the punch connect with his right cheek, and his head snapped to the left. He blinked away the stars in his vision and scrunched his nose at the taste of copper in his mouth. He could feel the cut on his face open up again from the impact, and slowly start to bleed. Spitting out the blood that flooded his mouth, he turned his head back to Derek. _Stay strong. Fight. Fight for Beckett._

Derek watched as Castle fixed him with hazy eyes and gave him a large grin. Blood coated his teeth, turning them reddish pink, and dripped from the corner of his mouth.

"That all you got, Derek?" Castle chided, goading his captor on.

Derek sneered at Castle. The bastard. Wanting to wipe that smug grin off of his face, Derek brought his left fist back and swung it hard at Castle. It connected with a crunch as Derek felt the cartilage in the author's nose break. Castle grunted in pain as it felt like his face just got hit by a truck. _Well, there goes my ruggedly handsome looks, _Castle thought as his head flew back from the impact.

Blood ran freely from Castle's broken nose and dripped down his face. He could feel his nose swelling from the impact. _I'll probably have some nice black eyes to accompany that tomorrow. If I make it to tomorrow, _Castle thought. With the way his day was going, he'd be lucky if he made it the next few hours. Or however long Derek was going to keep him alive.

Castle blinked, as he tried to ignore the fuzziness of the room around him and the way it all seemed to be spinning. A tiny part of his brain told him repeated hits to the head were never a good thing. The blood loss, coupled with his probable concussion, left Castle feeling lightheaded and slightly nauseous. He didn't know how much more he could take.

A strong hit struck his chest and he couldn't hold in his cry of pain. Derek wasn't stopping for anything. Castle watched on detachedly as Derek struck him again and again. His chest, stomach, face.

Wheezing and gasping, Castle's vision swam and darkness threatened to take him. His last thought before he succumbed to unconsciousness was that he shouldn't have insisted on coming home to change his pants.

Beckett drummed impatiently on the steering wheel. She was stuck in afternoon traffic on her way to drop Castle off some soup.

"Ugh, this was a horrible idea!" She yelled at the sea of cars around her. She should have known how impossible it would be to drive from the precinct to Castle's loft in evening New York traffic.

She glanced at her watch and sighed irritably. This would take hours! By the time she'd get to his apartment, the soup would be cold and it would be very, very late. _Maybe I should just head home. It's closer…No, Kate. He is your partner and you need to check up on him._

Her gut did a flip as she thought that. He hadn't seemed sick at all that morning. Castle had been his usual, annoying, petulant childish self. Not even a hint of cold or stomach flu. _Well maybe he's avoiding you. _

"Don't be silly Kate," Beckett huffed at herself, shaking her head at her immaturity.

"Castle has a logical, rational excuse for not helping out today. His explanation is plausible. End of story." But her justifications seemed to fall flat. She was missing something.

"Some detective I am. Can't even solve why Castle mysteriously didn't help today," she muttered, rolling her eyes.

Well, when it came to Castle, nothing was logical, or rational, or normal. Beckett laid on her horn as she was cut off and had to slam on her brakes.

"Son of a-"

Hitting her horn one more time for good measure, Beckett huffed and wished she were anywhere but there. An idea sparked and she searched fervently for the police siren.

"Damn it!" Beckett struck the steering wheel in frustration as her search came up empty. _Perfect. When I actually want the siren, it's not there._ She craned her neck and looked ahead. The line of cars seemed to stretch miles. Realizing she wasn't getting anywhere, anytime soon, she pulled out some case files to review. Maybe this traffic would do her some good, and she could catch up on her case files she'd been neglecting. Glancing up at the array of red taillights, Kate sighed and opened up the first file.


	5. Chapter 5

**Thank you guys for all the reviews! And sorry for the length of time between updates! We'll work on updating quicker!**

**Derek**

I watch the rise and fall of his slumped form. My own breathing is rapid, and my heart hammers in my chest. I look down at my hands. The knuckles are swollen and spattered with the writer's blood. I look up and take in the sight of the beaten, bloodied and broken author in front of me. Pride swells in my chest as I see the results of my revenge-driven pursuit.

_Mr. Castle's head is drooped on to his chest and his eyes are shut. Blood seems to ooze and spout from every orifice on his face. Black eyes originate from a broken and discolored nose. They stand out starkly against Mr. Castle's pale skin. A jagged crimson line runs down his right cheek, with dried blood trailing from the wound. His lip is split, and red liquid slides down his chin to drip on to the collar of his white shirt. _

Transfixed, I walk up to Mr. Castle. Lifting his head, I watch the fresh blood trickling down his chin. The way the liquid congeals and slips from the wound on his lip, and then slithers down his chin is mesmerizing.

I watch the blood trail down to his chin, and then splatter on his white dress shirt. Each drip has me more and more absorbed in the cycle of it. I watch until the dripping slows, and then stops. The liquid has hardened and no longer flows like the ocean. _The ocean. _

_I remember going to the ocean with Thomas. We would collect seashells, go fishing and explore the caves. We would race along the wet sand until our lungs burned and we collapsed from exhaustion. We would lie out at night underneath the stars, listening to the surf crash, talking about what we wanted to be when we grew up._

My heart breaks a little and angry tears well in my eyes. I snap out of my thoughts and push the painful memories away. I need a clear head for this plan to work. _Focus. _

"C'mon, c'mon already!" Beckett cried, exasperated. She had been sitting at the same red light for what felt like years. Beating her hands against the steering wheel, a series of colorful profanities escaped her lips.

_3…2…1…_

The light turned green as Beckett hit the gas pedal, jumping into the intersection. She was 5 minutes away from Castle's loft and knew this was no time to obey traffic laws. After a near-collision, some angry pedestrians, and more than a few horns honked in her direction, she finally pulled up to his loft. Turning the key in the ignition, she shut the car off. Leaning to the passenger side, she grabbed the two bags of groceries. On her way over she had stopped at a local bodega and picked up some cough and cold medicine, orange juice, crackers, three different kinds of soup, and cherry flavored cough drops. Stepping out of the car into the chilly night air, Beckett shivered in her coat and started quickly for the front door.

"Evening, John," Beckett greeted Castle's doorman with a smile.

"Why Detective, to what do I owe this pleasure?" John replied, sitting up in his chair.

"Well Castle is feeling a bit under the weather so I thought I would drop by after work and see him."

"By all means go ahead, and send my wishes for a speedy recovery to Mr. Castle!"

"Will do, and have a great night," Beckett grinned, spinning on her heel to head towards the elevators. Pressing the up button, Kate impatiently tapped the toe of her boot on the carpeted floor. Finally the elevator dinged, the doors opened, and Kate stepped inside, pressing the button to take her and her get-well bags up to Castle's floor. She could feel butterflies beginning to flutter in her stomach and a grin appeared on her face. Although she would never admit it, she was sort of excited to see him after a long day of boring work without his charm. Lost in her thoughts, the elevator continued to climb.

**Derek**

The plan is going perfectly. Mr. Castle is weak, and on the verge of death. Now the final chapter is about to begin….

_I walk over to Castle's phone and prepare a text message._

_-Hey Beckett, do you think you could come over?-_

_With the text sent, I sit down to wait. Not a minute later, a *__ding* escapes from Castle's phone. _

_-Sure, Castle. Be right there.-_

_I can't help the malicious grin that spreads across my face. The plan is going perfectly._

_A knock on the door alerts me to Detective Kate Beckett's arrival. I take my planned position behind Mr. Castle and wait for her to enter. _

_The door tentatively swings open and the beautiful detective is before me. The gasp that escapes her lips is music to my ears._

"_Welcome Detective Beckett, we have been expecting you," I greet her._

_Shock appears on her face as she replies, "Www-who are you?"_

"_Why detective, isn't it obvious? I am your worst nightmare."_

"_What do you want?" she manages, reaching for her weapon._

"_No you don't," I say, pointing my own weapon at the back of Mr. Castle's head. "Don't reach for your weapon, just listen very carefully and we will walk away from this unharmed."_

_If only she knew that I am referring to her and I, not the captive in front of me. I go on to explain the same thing I told Mr. Castle, how we came to be in this moment of revenge, this epitome of violence. She seems to understand why I must do this, why I am here. _

"_Now you understand…now you must accept what must be done." With that, I take a firmer stance and prepare to pull the trigger._

_A single gunshot can be heard, the sound reverberating off the walls of the apartment. The dead form of Richard Castle sits slumped in the chair, while the weeping form of Detective Beckett lies on the floor. Her sobs fill my soul, her tears warm my heart. Now she knows the pain I felt, now she knows the loss I endured. She too will cry and mourn, like I cried and mourned._

_The final stage is over. My mission is finally complete..._

I am suddenly roused from my fantasy by my captive beginning to stir. Satisfaction courses through my veins as I redirect my focus back to my prisoner. My eyes scan over his slumped form. I feed off of his pain; with each drop of blood, each cry of anguish, I know I am making my brother Thomas proud. I can almost see the life draining from his body. It seeps from the cut to his arm, the stab to his stomach, the broken ribs and bruised torso. The fight in him is weakening. The end is near.

*Ding*

_Finally, _Beckett thought as she exited the elevator. Repositioning the bags, she started down the hallway.

_What do I do when I get there? Knock? Walk in? What if he doesn't want to see me? _

_Stop that kind of thinking_, Beckett chastised herself. He will appreciate the gesture and not give it a second thought. They were partners after all, friends. And what's a friend if they don't take care of the other when they get sick? _Exactly, _Beckett thought.

She was there, right in front of his door. Anxious feelings swarmed in her stomach as she studied his door. _Partners and friends look out for each other,_ Beckett thought to herself. That's all it was, a quick visit to drop off the medicine and food and she would leave. Simple.

She moved her hand to the doorknob and felt a different feeling begin to form inside of her. Gone were the anxious butterflies, and now slowly a cold pit settles in my gut. Immediately put off, Beckett jerked her had away from the doorknob, filled with foreboding.

**Derek**

Encircling the chair that held my prisoner, I question when the next stage will begin. A fleeting thought reminds me that patience is of the utmost importance. _It will all be over soon, the end is so near. _

_Now is the time. _

I reach my hand out to pick up Mr. Castle's phone to begin the final stage of my plan, when footsteps down the hall outside steal my attention away. The footfalls end outside the door, and a shadow can be seen underneath. I reach towards my gun and take up a position behind my prisoner.

_Who could be here?_


	6. Chapter 6

**Thank you all so much for the positive reviews! We thought getting a first person insight into the mind of Derek would be an interesting avenue. That was the only time this story will be first person! Enjoy this next chapter. More to come! We'll update as quickly as we write them! XOXO, CrimeShowTwinz13**

Kate slowly gripped the door handle. Her gut flipped and she surveyed the hall uneasily. Something was off. But she couldn't quite put her finger on it.

As a cop, you need a sixth sense of a sort. A gut feeling that tells you to duck right before shots are fired, or whether your suspect is lying or telling the truth. It's a honed skill that can literally be the difference between solved and unsolved, life and death. This was the feeling worming its way in to the pit of Kate Beckett's stomach. She learned early on in her beat days to never ignore that gut feeling.

Kate did one more sweep of the hallway. No one was in sight. She switched the grocery bags to her left hand, leaving her right free. Then, she unclicked the latch on her gun holster. The cool weight of the weapon on her hip was reassuring.

Taking a deep breath, and letting it out very slowly, she turned the handle to Castle's loft.

_Meanwhile…_

Castle blinked his eyes sluggishly. With consciousness, came the unfortunate realization of where he was. And with it the searing pain shooting from what seemed like every part of his body. The pain engulfed him and cascaded over him in waves; it pierced his every muscle and bone and left him breathless. Never before had he known this much pain was even possible to be felt.

He could feel Derek behind him, and how suddenly the room had gone cold. Something had changed. Confused, Castle kept his head down. He couldn't remember what had happened. It all was a blur after…

A knowing pain shot through his abdomen as the memory of the knife came back to him. He cringed at the jolts of pain shooting in his stomach and squeezed his eyes shut.

_Meanwhile…_

After hearing the footsteps in the hall, Derek had taken a defensive position behind Castle, gun drawn, ready for anything. He was tense, unsure how to react to this turn of events. _This wasn't part of the plan. _All he knew for sure, was that his prisoner would die tonight and he would make Thomas proud. He would avenge his brother's death.

As the door swung open, the room was deathly silent. The loud click of the safety being pulled off a gun broke the reverie. Kate stood framed in the doorway, a mix of confusion and horror on her face. The groceries were clutched tightly in her left hand, while her right was still wrapped around the door handle. Derek stood in the gloom of the room, watching the expressions play across Kate's face. He himself was a bit surprised at this turn of events; he had planned for her to show up, just not yet. _No matter, this only speeds up my plan. All the better._

"Detective Beckett, how nice of you to join us."

Beckett's face paled, unsure who this person was and how he knew her name. Her mind was in hyper-drive as she took in every detail of the scene before her. Her heart sped up as she saw Castle with his head on his chest, and covered in so much…_blood_. She swallowed thickly and continued with her sweep. She could see a man standing behind Castle, face in shadow, with the obvious glint of a weapon trained at her partner's head.

_Beckett? Oh no. She was here! How am I supposed to keep her safe when she was standing in the same room as this psychopath? She has to leave, I have to do something…_Castle thought, his head still resting against his chest. _What can I do? Think, Castle, think…_

Kate loosened her grip and let go of the door handle. She put the bags down and stepped further in to the apartment. She closed the door behind her, and took a breath. Turning back around, she made eye contact with the man behind Castle. She slowly she inched her hand closer to her hip, closer to her holster, closer to her gun.

"Uh, uh Detective Beckett. I wouldn't do that if I were you."

Derek stared coldly at her, hatred rolling off of him and punctuating his words.

"Okay I won't reach for my weapon. Sir, why don't you put yours down, and we can talk-"

"TALK?! TALK Detective Beckett?! I _tried_ talking. But YOU wouldn't listen! YOU insisted my brother was guilty and YOU sent him away!" He began to pace, wildly waving the gun around. But his eyes never left Beckett, never left her calculating stare. "YOU locked him up for something he didn't do. And now he's dead. All because of YOU!" Derek roared at her, fire burning in his eyes.

Kate absorbed the words he was throwing at her, the way he stood, his demeanor. She knew this would escalate quickly, and she didn't want her or Castle caught in the crosshairs. She quickly flicked her eyes over to the slumped form of Castle. He still hadn't moved.

_Now? Should I do it now? No, he is too angry, I could end up hurting Kate. I have to time it just right…_Castle considered.

She cautiously took another miniscule step further in to the apartment. She definitely didn't need this man having another outburst like that. The next one may not be so…tame. Kate's mind raced as she went through all of her training for talking down a suspect…. _Nothing! How come I can't think of a single thing! _

Kate wanted to smack herself in the head. It was harder to think straight when it wasn't only her life on the line. It was Castle's, too. And by the look of things, if she didn't get them out of this soon, he may not have much longer.

"Alright sir. No need to shout. Just calm down."

She could hear her heartbeat as silence hung between them. Beckett let out a breath she didn't realize she had been holding, as the man seemed to visibly relax. He casually strolled back to stand behind his captive, running a hand over the back of the chair.

"As you wish, Detective. But you see, I am calm, as calm as I have ever been, as calm as I will ever be," Derek responded with a smirk. For some reason, Beckett almost wanted the shouting, delusional man back, compared to this newly composed psycho. He seemed so…apathetic, detached, cold, vindictive. Fear wormed its way into her stomach.

"Now that we have all calmed down, maybe you could tell me why you're here?"

_Okay he is calmed down a little bit. Wait, now isn't the time. I have to wait…for just the right moment or I could kill both of us, _Castle thought.

"Oh, it would be my pleasure. See, I have waited for this day for a long, long time. You see, Detective. I once had a brother, kind, smart, heroic. But then one day, he was snatched from this Earth. Why, you may ask? Maybe even how? Well, he was placed within prison, behind stone walls, behind bars. There, among the thieves and murderers, he was alone, an innocent man among the guiltiest. He had no one to look out for him, no one to care for him. So he was taken from me, in the cruelest of ways. With him gone, I am now alone, as he was, I am now just as empty. The day he died I vowed to seek vengeance on those who had put him there, I would not let him have died in vain. So you see, Detective, this is why I am here. This is why, tonight, you will feel what I felt, experience the same emptiness. Tonight, I will take from you what was taken from me. Tonight, the one person you love the most will die."

Derek moved the gun towards Castle's head…

"Wait!" screamed Beckett, "Castle wasn't the one who put him there, he wasn't the one who killed him. Actually, it was…me. I issued the transfer order to move him to that specific prison. It was me…not Castle. So kill me instead."

"I don't believe you," Derek said as confusion swept across his features. He was so distracted by the Detective's sudden outburst that he didn't see his captive visibly stiffen in front of him at Beckett's words.

Castle's mind raced. _No…she can't say that. He will kill her and it will be all my fault. No she has to leave, she has to escape, she has to live._

"It's true! I did it! It was all me," Beckett insisted, as her mind jumped to a single solution. _If the gun points at me, its not pointed at Castle. Castle will survive if I can get him to point the gun at ME._

"So why would I kill you? Mr. Castle is as much at fault here as you, Detective. Why must I reconsider?" Derek replied, moving around the chair, taking a step towards Beckett.

"Because…because I don't love him. He is annoying, egotistical, rude, sarcastic and childish. So shooting him won't hurt me like you want to it to. Killing him won't solve your problem," Kate answered, hoping the lie would convince him. She was looking at the man, hoping to catch a glimpse of his belief. But what she saw surprised her. Castle was no longer slumped over. Now, his head was up, and his eyes upon hers. She could see the tear rolling on his cheek, and the heartbreak that shone through his eyes. _I'm doing this for you, Castle. I don't mean it one bit. I'm doing this so you'll live. _She lowered her eyes to the floor, unable to meet Castle's stare any longer.

"No love for him, you say? None at all? Almost believable…"

She raised her eyes to meet the psychopath's. "No. No woman could ever love someone like that," Kate answered, almost convincing herself.

"Hmm, well this changes things. But unfortunately, not in your favor, Detective."

With that, Derek raised the gun and pointed it at his new victim, at Detective Beckett.


	7. Chapter 7

**Hey guys! Thank you for so many positive reviews! We have loved writing this story! Hope you continue to enjoy where it is going!**

**-CrimeShowTwinz13**

_Previously…_

"_No love for him, you say? None at all? Almost believable…"_

_She raised her eyes to meet the psychopath's. "No. No woman could ever love someone like that," Kate answered, almost convincing herself._

"_Hmm, well this changes things. But unfortunately, not in your favor, Detective."_

_With that, Derek raised the gun and pointed it at his new victim, at Detective Beckett._

Beckett knew what came next. The loud pop, the smell of gunpowder, the searing pain, the nothingness. She had experienced it all before, a few months back, with the sniper scare. She shuddered involuntarily as the memory flitted through her mind.

She knew exactly what to expect. But this time was different; this time she was looking death right in the face. It hadn't crept up unawares to whisk her away when she wasn't prepared; no it was right here, right in front of her, and that scared her.

Beckett didn't know if she was ready. But when is someone ever, truly ready? She wasn't ready at the cemetery, a few months ago. She still had a life to live, things to do, people to love. _To love._

Her eyes flashed to Castle at the thought. He met her stare with piercing blue orbs, filled with emotion and fear. Mirroring her own.

"Any last words, Detective Beckett?" Derek said, a grin spreading across his face, cruelty shining through his features.

_Love…_She knew. She had known since she woke up in the hospital. But even before that, she had known. And now, looking deep in to her partner's eyes, her voice caught in her throat. She wanted to tell him she remembered. She wanted to run to him and throw her arms around him and hold him tight. She wanted to never let go. She wanted to tell him she loved him, and always had. Always.

Kate broke the eye contact with Castle and found herself zeroing in on the barrel of the man's gun.

"Actually…yes," Kate began, looking back at Castle.

Castle seemed to hold all the sadness in the world in his eyes. His shoulders drooped with her sharp criticisms and taunts. Her insults had hit home, and he was rocked on his heels.

_Annoying, egotistical, rude, sarcastic, childish_.

_I don't love him. _

_Shoot me instead. _

Castle squeezed his eyes shut at the emotions threatening to consume him. They were worse than any pain he had endured thus far. With her words, Beckett had ripped out his heart and shattered it in to a million pieces. His heart physically hurt as her insults ran like a broken record through his foggy thoughts.

His head drooped down to his chest in defeat. She was going to sacrifice herself for him, when he had been trying so desperately to save her from that very fate. There was nothing he could do. He felt so helpless he wanted to scream.

"Well, by all means Detective, don't keep us in suspense!"

With those words, Derek retreated back to stand next to Castle. Grabbing a fistful of the author's hair, the psychopath roughly yanked Castle's head up, so he was looking straight towards Beckett.

A small grunt of pain was the only rise he got from the man in the chair.

Beckett's mind raced as she watched the waves of pain recede from the depths of Castle's eyes. This was her chance. Her opportunity to come clean. To be true to not only Castle, but to herself. She had been so afraid of acknowledging Castle's love for fear that she didn't truly deserve it. But if she had learned one thing from all her therapy sessions, it was that she wasn't perfect, and Castle loved her for her, flaws and blemishes included. She wasn't afraid anymore. She had come to terms with Castle loving her, and in doing so she had come to realize that she was irrevocably in love with him too. But was it too little, too late?

"Castle…I-"

"Thank you, very much Detective Beckett, but that's all we have time for," Derek interjected sarcastically. Beckett's mouth hung open, incomprehension garnishing her features. She hadn't even said anything yet. "Those two words were truly inspiring. I'm sure Mr. Castle here was as touched as I was."

Derek took a step forward. He was now standing a few feet diagonally in front of Castle. He prepared himself to, at last, avenge his brother's death.

"Goodbye, Detective Beckett."

It all seemed to proceed in slow motion. Castle watched as Derek began to raise the gun. He saw Kate square her shoulders and hold her head high. She was prepared to die for him; had sacrificed herself for him.

_No! I can't let you do this Kate!_

Fire surged in Castle's veins, as he knew he couldn't let her die for him. She had already almost been taken from him once; he wasn't going to let it happen again. Planting his feet firmly on the ground, Castle tensed his leg muscles. _This is really going to hurt, _Castle thought. With that, he leaned forward onto his feet and lifted the back of the chair off the ground. His back and legs strained with the effort and his whole world tinged black at the edges. Castle gritted his teeth and in a split second knew what he had to do. He lunged towards Derek in one last futile attempt to save Beckett, save the love of his life.

A shot rang out. Then a tremendous crash pierced the still air.

Kate waited for the impact, the searing pain. She waited. And waited. Not understanding, she cracked open an eyelid. She hadn't even realized she had shut her eyes.

In that moment, reality became crystal clear.

Castle literally had taken a leap of faith, and knocked Derek over with his chair, sending them both crashing to the floor. The kill shot had gone wide, sinking in to the wood of the wall a few feet to left of Beckett's head. Derek lay sprawled on his side a look of confusion and scorn adorning his features. Castle lay pinned to the overturned chair, deathly pale and unmoving, his bright blue eyes shut. Derek shook off his initial bewilderment and scrambled towards the gun. It had skittered across the hard wood floor and lay a few feet away. There was still time to finish what he had started.

Beckett jumped in to action. She reached for her holster and extracted her gun.

A second gunshot rang off the walls of the apartment. Kate stood, gun drawn, aimed at Derek. He had never gotten the chance to reach his weapon. Red blossomed from Derek's chest and he immediately crumpled to the floor.

Derek laid there, the life seeping from his bullet wound. He gazed up at the ceiling and whispered, "I'm sorry. I've failed you." His eyes closed for the last time. With a final exhale, Derek's body went still.


	8. Chapter 8

Kate took a steadying breath and holstered her weapon. She could feel her hands shaking, and clasped them together to try and quell the tremors. Kate crossed the room and kicked Derek's gun aside. Placing two fingers on his throat, she found no trace of a pulse.

She shuffled quickly over to Castle. Her hands hovered just out of reach, hesitant and unsure. For the first time, she could truly see Castle's injuries up close. If she thought there had been a lot of blood before, it was even worse crouching now in front of him. Her stomach flipped at the coppery smell lingering in the air. Going to crime scenes and seeing blood is one thing; but seeing so _much_ on Castle, someone she knew, she cared for… was different.

_My god. He looks like he went to hell and back. What did he do to you, Rick? _

Her fingertips brushed Castle's cheek lightly, tracing the jagged cut. Deep purple bruising blossomed around the wound, and enveloped the entire side of his face. His nose and lip were swollen, with traces of blood trailing from both. Kate pulled her eyes away from Castle's face, and inspected him for other injuries. She cringed at the deep laceration to his forearm and could only imagine the stinging pain he must have felt. Even lower, she saw blood saturating the front of his dress shirt. Gingerly, she unbuttoned the shirt and peeled it away from his skin. A gasp escaped her lips at what she saw.

A serrated, gaping wound marred Castle's pale skin. Opening the fabric further, Kate saw bruises littering Castle's stomach and torso. Anger flared in the pit of her stomach. Castle had endured hours, _hours_ of torture at the hands of that sick bastard. Kate swore in to the weighty silence of the apartment. _Oh Castle. Rick. I'm so sorry. This wasn't supposed to happen. _Kate shook Castle's arm, trying to rouse him.

"Castle? Hey, Castle look at me."

No response.

_Shit. _

"Come on Castle…Rick. I need you to open your eyes for me."

Nothing. This was not good. Kate tapped his cheek and called out to him one more time. Still nothing.

She needed help. And fast.

Keeping one hand lightly on Castle's arm, Kate whipped out her cell phone and dialed in reinforcements.

About 5 minutes later, two EMT's were swarming in around her to try and get to Castle. Kate moved out of the medic's way, but remained close, vigilant. She wasn't going to let him out of her sight. Not yet.

She watched the flurry of activity surrounding Castle. The medics had freed him from the chair and were now laying him down on a stretcher. The two swapped medical jargon back and forth, with Kate catching words like "BP dropping" and "heart rate weak and thready". She wasn't a medical expert, and had no clue what the two EMT's were talking about, but she could read people. And the expressions on the medic's faces were grim.

"What is it? What's wrong? Please…just tell me what's going on!" Kate cried, fear creeping into her voice.

"Ma'am just let us do our-"

"Please…please just tell me he will be ok," Kate managed, emotion making her voice thick.

"At this point…honestly we need to get him to the hospital, and fast," one of the EMT's said.

With that, both medics stood up, bringing the stretcher up with them. Castle moaned a little at the movement. His eyelids fluttered, but remained shut.

"Castle? Castle can you hear me?" Kate said as she ran to the stretcher's side, pushing one of the medics out of the way. Getting no response, she wrapped Castle's hand in her own and squeezed it tight.

"Please Castle, just stay with me," Kate whispered.

"Ma'am we have to leave now."

"Oh right, sorry."

Hurrying alongside the stretcher, Kate kept her eyes fixed on Castle's face. She couldn't bring herself to tear her eyes from the face of the man she loves. Her chest tightened and she gave his hand another reassuring squeeze. The group reached the elevator just as the doors opened, revealing Ryan and Esposito.

"Guys, thank god you got my text. Lock down his apartment…and call Lanie, we've got a body. I'll explain when I can. When you're done, meet me at the hospital."

The two detectives vacated the elevator to let the medics through. They stared at the man on the stretcher and barely recognized him.

"Is that…" Ryan stuttered, unable to fully comprehend what he was seeing.

"Yeah, bro. Beckett-" Esposito began, anger and confusion playing across his face.

"I'll…um…explain later. We have to go," Kate responded quietly as the elevator doors shut.

Ryan looked at Esposito, and Esposito looked back at Ryan. Their eyes conveyed all that was left unsaid in the air between them.

Clearing his throat, Esposito broke the silence, "Bro, we should…we should secure the scene and call Lanie. Like Beckett said."

"Yeah. Um. Let's go."

The two detectives were lost in their own thoughts as they entered Castle's loft. What they saw made them stop in their tracks. Chairs were overturned, a body lay near the kitchen table, and there was blood. A lot of blood. What the hell happened here?

Beckett trailed behind the stretcher as she hurried to keep pace with the EMT's. They barreled through the hospital doors, swapping information with the doctors and issuing commands. Through the commotion, Kate heard a machine beep loudly.

"We're losing him!"

A nurse blocked Kate's determined path and she watched helplessly as Castle was wheeled through the Emergency Room doors, doctors surrounding his stretcher. The doors swung shut, and suddenly it seemed as if the whole world had gone quiet. Just as suddenly as the mayhem from the ambulance arrival had begun, it ended abruptly, leaving Kate uncertain in the hospital lobby.

The NYPD detective let out a shaky breath and ran a hand through her hair. She somehow found her way over to an uncomfortable hospital chair. It was as if she was in a daze. Everything seemed to happen so quickly, and race by her in streaks, but it also went by painfully, agonizingly slow. Minutes felt like hours, but also like seconds. She lost all track of time, and didn't know how long she sat there for.

"_We're losing him!"_

"_We need to get him to the hospital."_

"_He's flat lining!"_

A nurse putting a glass of water on the table beside her shook Kate from her haunted thoughts. Warm blue eyes looked down at her and the nurse gave her a small smile.

"Don't worry darling, your husband is in good hands."

Kate opened her mouth to reply, but nothing came out. She weakly nodded her head in gratitude as the nurse turned away and walked back to the nurse's station. Dropping her head in to her hands, Kate released all the emotions she had been feeling since first stepping through Castle's door. She let out all the fear, anger, sadness, despair, anxiety and worry. Tears streamed down her face and slipped silently to the tiled floor of the hospital waiting room.

_He flat lined in the ambulance. They got him back after a minute…but it felt like a lifetime. Oh god Rick, is this how you felt? Is this how you felt when I was lying there? What if I never see you again? What if I never hear your voice again? What if I never get to tell you I love you?_

Kate's heart shattered at the last thought. She didn't think she could lose him to. He'd gotten closer than anybody had. He'd been the only one who kept fighting for her, for every inch, for every brick he tore down from her wall. She had let him in more that anyone else. And now she could lose him.

_Oh, god. _

Kate jerked her head up in realization. No one had told Martha or Alexis. Fumbling in her jacket pocket for her phone, Kate angrily wiped the tears from her eyes and scrolled through her contacts searching for the two Castle women. Finding Alexis' contact, she quickly dialed the number and put the phone to her ear.

"_Hello?"_

"Hi. Alexis. It's Detective Beck-Kate. It's Kate."

"_Oh hey Kate. Is everything all right? You never call me…" _The young girl paused. "_Is this about my dad? Is he okay? Please Detective…please Kate tell me he's okay." _

Kate's heart wrenched at the naked fear in Alexis' voice. Clearing her throat, and reigning in her emotions, Kate replied, "Alexis, it's your dad. I'll explain more when you get here. Find your grandmother and come to Mount Sinai Hospital."

Kate heard a gasp from the other side of the phone. She heard Alexis shakily say she was on her way and hang up. Putting down her own phone, she stared blankly at the screen. Castle had put a picture of himself and Alexis as Alexis' caller ID.

She didn't realize she was crying again until a teardrop splattered on her phone screen. She cradled the phone to her chest, trying to hold Castle close, keep him close. Hot tears stained her cheeks as Kate wept in the corner of the hospital waiting room, not knowing whether Castle would live or die.


	9. Chapter 9

**Hey guys! Sorry for taking so long to update. Finals week has been crazy! Full-time students over here! I hope you like this chapter. It's more of a filler chapter, to progress the story. Keep reading and reviewing!**

In a flurry of red hair, Alexis and Martha barreled through the hospital doors.

Kate stood up stiffly and walked over to meet them. The pair looked disheveled, frenzied, with fear in their matching blue eyes.

"Alexis. Martha. I am…so sorry," Kate began, swallowing the lump in her throat. "I'm sorry I didn't call you sooner… I don't even know…I don't know what to say right now…" Kate stammered, unable to meet their gazes.

Before she could react, Kate suddenly felt warm arms encircling her. She jumped in surprise, but didn't push away. She collapsed in to Martha's arms and hugged her back. Kate couldn't remember the last time she had been hugged like this. Martha drew away slightly, and pulled Alexis in as well. The three women stood there, clinging desperately to each other, trying to shield themselves from the horror of the current situation.

Alexis was the first to pull away, cheeks flushed and eyes red. She wiped her nose and excused herself, scurrying off in search of the bathroom. With a kind arm still around Kate's shoulders, Martha steered the detective back towards the seating area. Kate allowed herself be led towards the chairs, finding solace in Martha's mothering embrace. The two women sat down, a comfortable silence stretching between them.

Finally Martha spoke, "Kate, dear. Would you like to tell me what happened? If you're not ready I understand. But maybe just…tell me how Richard's doing."

The detective looked up in to Martha's eyes and saw her own fear and despair reflected back in them. Kate drew in a deep breath and recomposed herself, detective mode flipped back on. Martha took one of Kate's hands in her own and gave it a gentle squeeze. The warmth from the small gesture prompted Kate to begin her tale.

"Well there was an incident…at the apartment. Castle…Rick…went through a very violent and traumatic experience. He…" Kate paused, biting her lip, unsure how to continue. She didn't know all the details, but what she pieced together didn't turn out as a pretty picture. Kate didn't think Martha needed to hear all the gory details just then. _Stick to the basics, _she thought.

"It seems a man broke in to the apartment. He was with Rick…for a while. Luckily I stopped by the apartment after work. There was a standoff between the attacker and I. I wound up killing the man…after Rick saved my life. He threw himself at the attacker and knocked his shot off target. I wouldn't be here right now if it wasn't for your son. When I last saw him, he didn't look…too good. He went through a hell of an experience today. I'm not sure how he'll come out of this one."

The silent "if" hung densely in the air, voicing the fears of the two women. _If_ Castle came out of this one…

Kate sighed heavily and slumped back in her seat. It was so much easier when the victim's were just faces, people she wasn't emotionally tied to. She could immerse herself in the case without issues of conflict of interest. When emotions are too involved, things get messy and mistakes happen. It's hard when it's someone you care about, a case you're personally involved in.

She looked up as she heard footsteps on the tiled floor. Alexis walked over to the seat next to her grandmother, and sat down. Her eyes were red rimmed and she kept sniffling.

Kate's heart fell as she realized she was the cause of this girl's worry. She had allowed Castle to help her on cases. She allowed him to play cop, and put himself in danger. He had always been so lucky, never actually getting hurt. But she guessed luck ran out sometimes. This time he wasn't walking away scot-free.

Martha took Alexis's hand and squeezed it. The younger girl leaned over and rested her head on her grandmother's shoulder. They sat with empty stares in their eyes, the strained atmosphere of the waiting room weighing down on them.

_They shouldn't be here, waiting to hear how Castle is. They shouldn't have to worry about Castle getting hurt. He shouldn't be here either. He's here because of me. _

Guilt overwhelmed Kate and enveloped her. She was to blame; she was the reason Castle got hurt.

"Martha, Alexis. I want to apologize. If it weren't for me, this never would have happened. My job puts Rick in dangerous situations. He didn't sign up for that. I know you two didn't. So I just wanted to say I'm sorry."

Martha, with sympathy shining in her eyes, opened her mouth to respond.

"Kate-"

"Family of Richard Castle?"

All three women turned their heads to the doctor standing in the waiting room, clipboard in hand. Martha and Alexis stood instantly, but Kate hesitated. Not being immediate family, she really had no place to stand, to join the two Castle women.

"Kate?" Alexis asked, confused as to why the detective still sat in the hospital chair.

"I-uh-I'm not family so…"

"Dear, you have always been part of the family," Martha answered, reaching for Kate's hand to help her stand up.

Together, the three women walked over to the doctor and stopped in front of him, preparing themselves for the worst.

"It seems Mr. Castle has experienced quite a trauma. He lost a critical amount of blood, suffered numerous broken bones including three ribs, his left collarbone, and his nose. He also fractured his right cheekbone and has a minor fracture to the frontal lobe above the right eyebrow. There was a deep laceration to his abdomen, which required stiches and surgery to repair. In the surgery, we found a small internal bleed coming from a punctured liver. Oh, and Mr. Castle also has a mild concussion, most likely from the blow to the head that caused the skull fracture. We sent him in for an MRI, and it doesn't show any bleeding of the brain or serious swelling. We will need to monitor that, and his other injuries, closely for the next 24-48 hours."

The doctor paused, seeming to abruptly realize the effect of his words. The two women with red hair, who appeared to be related, had gone quite pale. The other woman, looked passively back at him, forcing a calm front. She zeroed him with a cool stare, and the young doctor continued.

"I'm sorry. I know what I told you might be overwhelming. But fortunately, Mr. Castle made it through the surgery and is recovering smoothly. He is on serious painkillers and is resting right now. He's in Room 212, just down the hall and to the left. I expect a full recovery, but he still is in critical condition, so only one visitor at a time, and not for too long."

Relief swam through the group. Kate found herself smiling tentatively at the hopeful news. He wasn't out of the woods yet, but he was okay. _He was okay. _

Alexis and Martha embraced warmly. It seemed as if a cloud had been lifted; no longer was there sorrow and despair enveloping the trio. There was relief, such sweet, wholesome relief.

Alexis stepped back and looked at Kate and Martha questioningly.

"Can I?"

Her hand gestured behind her, towards the ICU rooms.

Martha looked over at Kate and tilted her head, as if to say_, Is that all right with you?_

Kate nodded briefly in response. She could wait. A daughter needed to see her father right now, and she was after all just his partner. Martha gave the shooing motion and Alexis hurried down the hallway, following the signs towards her father's room.

A buzzing sound stole Kate's attention, and she fumbled for her cell phone. Walking quickly out the doors of the hospital, she answered Esposito's call.

"Beckett."

"_Yo it's Espo."_

"You have anything? Any leads?"

"_About that…"_

Kate listened, puzzled by Esposito's hesitation. She heard frantic whispering coming from the other end of the line, presumably between the two detectives.

"_Javi just tell her man." _That was Ryan._  
_

"_Bro, why don't you tell her? She likes you better." _That drew a small smile from Kate.

"_Grow a pair and just tell her! You figured it out, not me…"_

"Hey! Guys. Can someone please tell me what's going on?"

She heard Espo clear his throat nervously.

"_So we processed the scene, Lanie took the body, and we've been following up leads over here…" _Javi trailed off, apprehension audible in his voice.

Kate was getting frustrated with this cat and mouse game. If they had something, they just needed to tell her.

"Well, what have you got Espo? Do I have to wring it out of you? What's the big deal?"

"_Beckett…" _

Espo paused.

"_Kate. We have his name."_


	10. Chapter 10

_Previously:_

_She heard Espo clear his throat nervously._

"_So we processed the scene, Lanie took the body, and we've been following up leads over here…" Javi trailed off, apprehension audible in his voice._

_Kate was getting frustrated with this cat and mouse game. If they had something, they just needed to tell her. _

"_Well, what have you got Espo? Do I have to wring it out of you? What's the big deal?"_

"_Beckett…" _

_Espo paused._

"_Kate. We have his name."_

Kate's gut twisted. How had they gotten a name so fast? Was he in the system? They didn't usually get ID's this quickly…ever.

"You have his name."

"_Yeah…"_

"Care to share with the class Esposito?"

Kate didn't keep the annoyance from her voice. It clipped her words, and she could imagine Espo cringing at her tone.

"_Sorry Beckett. His name's…um… Edward Dupree."_

Dupree? Why did she know that name? _Think Kate, think…_

Suddenly it clicked. Kate's stomach dropped and she almost let go of the phone.

"Edward Dupree? Any relation to Thomas Dupree?"

"_Yeah Beckett. It's his brother..."_

The information hit her hard and sent her stumbling towards a vacant bench. _Damn. I thought we were done with this case…_

The call had come in a few months back. One of those calls that every detective dreads. A cop had been killed. One of their own.

She had been called out to the scene early in the morning. The officer's wife had found him dead on the kitchen room floor, bled out from a bullet wound to the chest. Kate knew it was going to be a bad one; when it came to cop killers, it was personal. Castle hadn't made any of his usual quips, and had kept quiet most of the morning. Even he seemed to be taking the murder personally.

A week of chasing down leads and running the officer's old case files had finally panned out; they picked up a small-time arms dealer by the name of Thomas Dupree. It was rather open and shut: He didn't have a solid alibi, had old beef with the officer, and his prints were at the scene. When they arrested Thomas Dupree from his apartment in Manhattan, he had gone willingly, almost as if he knew they would come to get him.

Kate hadn't given the case another thought…until now.

"That son of a…" Beckett slammed her hand down on the bench in frustration. Even from the grave Thomas Dupree was screwing with their lives.

"_Yeah I know Beckett. Ryan and I are running through a timeline of Edward's movements these past few weeks. Apparently since his brother died, he's quit his job, packed up all his things, and fallen off the grid. Lanie's about to start the autopsy. I'll call you if we find anything."_

"Thanks, Espo."

"_And…uh…Beckett?"_

"Yeah?"

"_How's Castle…how's he doing?"_

Kate shut her eyes and let a breath out slowly.

"He's…um he's okay. He's out of surgery now. The doctor says he's stable, but they have to watch him for the next day or so. Espo…the things that man did to him…"

Kate trailed off, emotion making her throat thick. Her mind raced through all the injuries she saw on Castle, all the information the doctor told her. Yeah, his luck had definitely run out this time.

"_Bastard. If that sick SOB was still alive…"_

The threat in Esposito's voice mirrored her own thoughts. The man's death had been too easy, too painless. Her bullet to his chest was a small price to pay for the pain he caused Castle.

"I'll let you know if anything changes. Later, Espo."

She hung up the phone and bit back the tears stinging her eyes. Talking about it made it seem all the more real. When he was hidden behind medical jargon and hospital room doors, Castle's condition seemed far away and intangible. But when she had to explain it to Espo… Kate's chest hurt and she pressed a palm to the place right above her scar. Her breathing quickened and she willed the storm of emotions coursing through her to subside.

Beneath her palm, she felt her heartbeat begin to slow and felt the pressure on her chest dwindle. She opened her eyes and saw her breath mist in the cool night air. Beckett ran a hand through her hair and rose to her feet. She walked unhurriedly back through the hospital doors, lost deep in thought.

_Edward Dupree. Thomas Dupree. Killed in prison. Brother bent on revenge. This was all because of revenge. Major blood loss. Broken bones. Skull fracture. Concussion. Castle, sitting in the chair, blood coating his face and chest, looking at her with pain and betrayal in his sea blue eyes. The shot ringing out...Castle saved her life…_

Beckett sank slowly in to a waiting room chair and stared off in to space.

"Kate."

Beckett blinked dazedly and looked around, searching for the source of her name. Her eyes fell on Martha, who stood before her with a cup of coffee extended in her direction.

"Dear, I brought you some coffee. I wasn't sure if you wanted any but-"

"No, Martha, this is great. Thank you." A small smile lit her face as she looked in to Martha's blue eyes. Those blue eyes that were just like Rick's.

Martha took the seat next to Kate and they sipped their bitter hospital coffee in silence.

Movement drew Kate's attention from the steam rising from the coffee. Alexis hurriedly took the seat next to Martha, her face drawn and pale. She turned her head to look at Kate, red hair swirling around her shoulders. Kate looked in to Castle's daughter's eyes and saw pain, anguish, and fear. What this young girl had seen in that room had shaken her to her core. Kate looked then to Martha, and back to Alexis.

"Go, Kate."

Kate looked confusedly at Martha. She searched in those deep blue eyes for any sense of hesitation or misgivings. But she could find none. Martha gave her a warm smile.

"Go, dear. I'll see him a bit later. I'm going to refill my coffee anyways and grab a bite to eat for Alexis and I. But, if he does wake up, dear, have a nurse come get me?"

Kate nodded blankly at Martha. She rose stiffly to her feet. It was as if she had to force her feet forward…all of a sudden she felt like bolting and running far away from this hospital. Kate froze in the middle of the waiting room, tentative and unsure. She didn't think she could see him looking like that again. She wasn't sure she could take it…

Martha noticed the young detective's hesitation. Handing her coffee to Alexis, she stood up and walked up behind Kate. Gently, she placed a hand on the detective's shoulder. She felt the young woman jump at her touch.

"Go Kate. He would want you there, even if he weren't aware of it. Don't run away and hide from him again. I don't think he could bear it."

Martha gave a reassuring squeeze to Kate's shoulder, than the mothering trace was gone. Drawing in a deep breath, Kate took a tentative step forward. _I won't run. I won't hide. I'll be here for him. I won't turn my back on him this time. _

She took another step, than another. Before she knew it, she was down the hall. Kate glanced behind her back towards the waiting room. She saw Martha with her arms around Alexis, consoling the young woman. Suddenly the older Castle's bright blue eyes locked with hers, and Martha gave her an encouraging nod.

Kate turned back around, and searched for signs leading to Castle's room. After a turn, and down another long hallway, she found herself in front of his room. She stood motionless, unsure if she should knock or just go in. Her hand wrapped lightly around the door handle. Anxious butterflies flitted in her stomach, and Kate bit her lip. _You can do this. Don't run away. He needs you._

She pressed uncertainly down on the door handle and pushed the door open.


	11. Chapter 11

Kate stepped in to the room. Her eyes swept the interior, taking in every aspect and crevice. It was simply furnished, with the shades drawn over a window on the far wall. There was a single bed in the room, with machines crowding around it, and a chair pulled up to the side of it. She found herself drawn to the still figure lying on the bed. _It doesn't even look like him._

Castle's eyes were shut, a pained look on his face. There were bandages everywhere: one encircling his head, one on his arm, two surrounding his wrists, and the bulge of one visible beneath his gown on his abdomen. If not for the rise and fall of his chest, Kate would have been worried by his pale complexion. Dark bruises adorned his face. A sling supported his left arm, cradling it to his side. He looked so…fragile.

Kate couldn't contain the gasp at her partner's appearance. Tears welled in her eyes and she fumbled for the seat beside the bed. This man lying before her couldn't be her partner…it just couldn't be. Rejection coursed through her veins and she reached a hand hesitantly towards the bed. Her fingertips brushed the back of Castle's hand. Maybe by some chance, she had walked in to the wrong room, and this wasn't her partner and friend lying there in the bed before her. But her mind knew what her heart denied.

She clasped Castle's hand with her own. She couldn't explain the urge, the need for wanting the contact with him. But enclosing his hand with hers, it felt right. Like if she didn't hold on to him, he might slip away and disappear. Absentmindedly, she began to stroke the back of his hand with her thumb, tracing invisible patterns on his skin. She opened her mouth to say something, anything, but nothing came out. She didn't know what to say. She didn't know where to begin.

"Castle what am I going to do with you. I take my eye off of you for a minute and you wind up here…" Kate stopped, lost in memories, unsure how to continue.

"Seeing you sitting in that chair like that today…I've only ever been that scared once before. It was the 3XK case. You and Ryan didn't come back after going to Tyson's motel room…when I went through that door, I thought I was going to find you dead. But when I saw you sitting there, alive, my heart nearly stopped from relief. You fixed me with those blue eyes, and I knew for certain that you were okay."

Kate stopped, and looked at Castle's face. She gripped his hand a little tighter, welcoming the proximity. She didn't know if he could hear her, but talking, filling the silence, it felt right.

"It was one of the scariest moments of my life, not knowing whether I would find you alive in that motel room. And today when I saw you sitting in that chair, with your head down on your chest, unmoving, I…" Kate trailed off, swallowing the emotion building in her throat.

"I'm just so glad you're okay," Kate whispered, leaning her head down to rest on the hospital bed railing. She didn't know what she would do if he didn't make it out of this one.

Suddenly, she felt the pressure of fingers curling around her own. Kate jerked her head up, searching Castle's face. _Was he waking up? Did he hear any of that?_

"Castle. Hey, you with me?"

Castle owlishly blinked his blue eyes open. Confusion adorned his features. Above him was a plaster ceiling that looked nothing like his own. Where was he? He heard the beeping of machines, felt the pressure of an IV in his arm and a hand wrapped tightly around his own.

Castle lifted his head to glance around the room and immediately regretted the decision. His vision swam and he suppressed the rising levels of nausea assaulting his stomach.

"Wh-where am I?"

His voice came out cracked and whispered, a broken sound. He blinked his eyes as his vision righted, and he turned his head slowly this time to look at the person sitting beside his bed. He was wholly unprepared to see Detective Kate Beckett, who was eyeing him from behind long lashes.

"Your at Mount Sinai Hospital," she responded quietly. "Do you remember what happened?" Kate prompted him, fixing him with an inquisitive stare.

Castle furrowed his brow and tried to recall what exactly had happened. He glanced down at the sling immobilizing his left arm, noticed the weight of gauze encircling his torso and head, and detected the dull ache of pain shooting from too many places on his body to count. _How in the world did this happen?_

He shut his eyes and rested his head back against the pillow. He tried to replay the day's events over in his head. _They had been called out to a scene that morning. Yes, right, good start. What next? Oh, yeah it was in an alley, and I had stained my favorite pair of pants. Beckett drove me home to change my pants when-_

Castle's eyes flew open at the sudden memory. Fear shot through his system and he gasped aloud.

"Castle? Are you okay?"

"I went home to change my pants. There was a man there. He was waiting for me."

It was coming back to him. In small brief flashes…but he was remembering, even if he didn't want to. He couldn't stop the assault of terrifying memories. _A gun pointed at him. Blood trickling down his face. The zip ties digging in to his skin. The knife. Pain. Kate showing up-_

"You were there."

Kate's breath hitched in her throat. _Please tell me he doesn't remember the things I said; please tell me he doesn't remember the things I said…_

"You were there and…"

She watched as Castle's eyebrows knitted together in concentration. Realization lit his eyes and his entire demeanor transformed. Suddenly there was anger and disbelief in his deep blue eyes.

_Oh, god. He remembers everything._

"A man no woman can love. Narcissistic and childish." A bitter laugh escaped his lips. Kate swallowed the lump in her throat.

"You know I didn't mean-"

"Did you Kate, did you?"

She opened her mouth to respond, but nothing came out.

Castle shook his head lightly.

"It's crazy the things we say when faced with certain death… I saved you, Kate. I sacrificed myself for you. And all you could talk about were my flaws? It's still all a bit fuzzy, but your words are crystal clear. Funny, how easily I can recall those snide comments."

"Castle. Please. I-"

"I don't want to hear it Kate! I-I need some time to think. I need to process, go back over what happened. And I hope when I do so I come up with a reasonable explanation for what you said. The act may have been meant to help me or save me, but I just can't get past how true they sounded! I always just take your jibes good-naturedly and brush them off, but sometimes they hit too close to home. Sometimes they are uncalled for, go too far. Go too far…"

"Castle, come on. Of course I didn't mean them! You're overreacting. If you just let me-"

"Oh. I'm overreacting now am I?"

The temperature in the room dropped. The air between them stilled and the only sounds were the beeps coming from the machines. Fire burned in Castle's eyes as he glared at her.

Kate swore in her head. That was definitely the wrong thing to say. This conversation went from bad, to worse.

"Get out. Now."

Kate was taken aback by his tone. He had never spoken to her that way…she'd never even heard him use that tone before, ever. She didn't realize how deep her words might have cut. But seeing the fire burning in those deep blue eyes…apologies were definitely in order.

Castle roughly yanked his hand from her grip. He braced on his right elbow and used his good arm to lever himself upright. He swayed a little at the change, but kept his eyes fixed on hers. He gripped the handrail tightly and felt anger, betrayal and hurt churning inside of him.

"Rick let me just-"

"No! No. You've done enough!"

Castle glared at her through pain-clouded eyes. Kate heard his labored breathing and saw his chest rising and falling frantically. A machine started to beep loudly, and then another.

Several nurses rushed in at once, crowding the small hospital room. One nurse reached for the beeping machines, checking numbers and turning the alarms off. A second hurried to the side of Castle's bed, across from Kate, stethoscope out and ready. She glanced worriedly at the other nurse who was rattling off Castle's vitals. Pressing the instrument to his back, the nurse listened intently to Castle's lungs.

Beckett watched, in shock, eyes darting between the nurses and Castle. He looked pained and very pale. The nurse put down the stethoscope and placed a hand on Castle's uninjured shoulder.

"Mr. Castle, I need you to calm down for me. I know it is hard to breathe right now, but you're aggravating your broken ribs. You need to relax, and breathe in slowly through your nose and out your mouth. Yes, that's it. Calm down. Slow."

The machines stopped beeping, and the strenuous sounds of breathing gradually disappeared. The nurse helped Castle settle back down on the bed, rearranging the pillows and sheets that were tangled in the earlier predicament. She threaded a nasal cannula around his ears and fastened it below his nose.

"This should help with the breathing, Mr. Castle. Sitting up must have hurt your ribs and shoulder, so if you need any pain medication, just press this button right here."

The nurse offered her patient a warm smile. She spoke quietly to the second nurse, then jotted down a few notes on the clipboard hanging from the foot of Castle's bed. Then she fixed Kate with a stare that could rival the detective's own.

"Ma'am you need to leave. Mr. Castle has had enough excitement for one day."

"But I just got in here-" Beckett protested, not ready to leave Castle's side, realizing she never wanted to again.

"I'm sorry, but he needs to rest now. You can visit with him later," the second nurse said, ushering Beckett towards the door.

With one final glance over her shoulder, Beckett saw Castle with his eyes closed, a look of discomfort on his face. The nurses followed closely behind her, making sure she didn't try and return to the room. The last nurse through the door closed it behind her, effectively shutting Kate out. And the barrier between them once again was in place.

Kate watched the retreating forms of the nurses as they walked back to their station. She was tempted to turn around and rush back through the door. But she knew Castle didn't want her there, and she would only cause him more pain.

All at once her knees buckled and she sank to the floor, her legs no longer able to support her. Silent sobs wracked her chest, and free-flowing tears cascaded down her face. Pain blossomed in her heart and coursed throughout her entire system. The hurt was everywhere. She could feel her heart shattering piece by piece. He hated her, all because of the lies she had told to keep him safe. And now, he would never forgive her, and she would never get the chance to tell him the truth. She didn't mean any of it. She had just said all those things in the heat of the moment to save his life. Didn't he understand that? She hadn't meant it when she called him egotistical and rude. She hadn't meant it when she said no woman could ever love him. That couldn't be true…because, because _she_ loved him. She always had, and knew she always would. But now she wouldn't ever get to tell him. She'd lost him for good. It was over between them.


	12. Chapter 12

**Sorry for taking a while to update! Hope you like this chapter!**

Kate propelled through the bathroom door. She clutched for the porcelain sink, her hands shaking, and turned on the water full blast. She plunged her hands in to the icy water. Splashing her face, she washed off the tracks of her tears, pain, and self-hatred. She had genuinely messed up this time.

She lifted her head and gazed at her reflection somberly in the mirror. Water dripped in rivulets down her face. Her hazel eyes were blood shot and puffy from crying. Hair was falling out of her messy bun, cascading in frizzy waves around her face.

"What have I done?"

Angrily, Kate switched off the faucet and pushed herself away from the sink. She began to pace the tiled floor, a caged animal to her own inner thoughts.

_You need to go back in there and make him listen. _

_You need to apologize to him and make him understand your reasoning._

_You have to fix this!_

_But…what if he won't forgive me?_

_What if he never wants to see me again?_

_What if when I finally let someone break down my walls, they decide not to stay?_

"AGH!"

Kate shouted in to the vacant bathroom. She abruptly halted her feverish pacing and lashed out a fist towards the nearest object in her path. She needed a release, something to alleviate these things she was feeling. Her punch connected with a stall door, sending it flying inwards on its hinges, smashing against the side with a thunderous force.

"God damn it all to hell!" 

Kate shook her hand quickly, trying to stop the shooting pain in her knuckles. She looked down scornfully at her throbbing fist. It was the least she deserved. She never did make smart decisions when trying to release her emotions. And usually she had gloves on and the punching bags weren't made of metal.

She flexed her fingers inquiringly, wondering if she did any damage. None were too painful or stiff to move. Just hurt like hell.

Still shaking her hand, Kate walked back to stand in front of the mirror.

"My god."

She looked awful. She combed back some stray bangs and rubbed at the tear streaks on her face. She had to look presentable when she went back to see Martha and Alexis. She couldn't let them know anything was wrong.

"Well, this is as good as it's gunna get."

Kate stuck her sore hand in her pocket. _That would hide it._ With one last glance in the mirror, Kate exited the bathroom. She looked down the hall both ways. No one was in sight. _Good, that means no one heard me,_ Kate thought with relief. With one final glance towards Castle's door, the detective made her way slowly back to the waiting room area.

Martha looked up at the sound of footsteps coming from the hall. She was not prepared for the sight that greeted her. The usually collected and stoic detective looked lost; her eyes were bloodshot like she'd been crying, her hands were stuffed nervously in her pockets, and she looked like she held the weight of the world on her shoulders.

The older woman glanced at her watch. It had only been 20 minutes. What could have possibly transpired in that hospital room?

The detective reclaimed her seat next to Martha, barely noticing Alexis no longer sat on the other side of her grandmother, and gazed off miserably in to the distance.

"Kate dear are you all right?"

Beckett startled out of her thoughts and looked questioningly at Martha.

"I'm sorry Martha did you say something?"

"I asked if you were all right. You seem…shaken up. Did something happen?" 

"No. No. Of course not. Everything is fine. He woke up for a little bit but then went back to sleep."

Martha narrowed her eyes at the detective.

"Katherine Beckett. I have known you for almost 4 years now and I am a seasoned actress. Do you not think I will know when someone is lying to me?"

Kate dropped her gaze and kept it glued to the ground. She felt heat rising in her cheeks at being caught in the terrible lie. Emotion began to clog her throat at the memories of what happened in the room.

"It's fine. I'm fine."

"Kate." Lifting the detective's chin, Martha brought Kate's gaze away from the floor to look at her. Kate looked like a scared child, uncertainty brimming in her haunted eyes. Martha felt her heart go out to the detective. Kate seemed so determined to blame this all on herself, and wallow in self-loathing. The older woman knew she had to help. "That dear was not a very convincing performance if you ask me." At this accusation, shock registered on Kate's face and she scoffed at the comment.

"Martha, I am fi-"

"Kate, no matter how many times you say it, I still won't believe you. I know this is hard for you, but please let me help. Talk to me, tell me what happened- what _really_ happened."

Kate looked deep into Martha's eyes and saw no deception, and knew she could confide in her; tell her everything she was keeping inside. All at once, it started to pour out, seemingly unending.

"Martha we're partners. And for a long time that's all we were. Or maybe all I thought I wanted to be. But…well…I don't want to be just partners anymore. It took me a long time to realize it, but I finally did. I was so afraid of being happy, of living my life and being in the kind of relationship I wanted to be in. Because that means putting my heart out there, and possibly getting it broken. So I was afraid of getting hurt, and of finally being happy. I put up walls, I hid behind them, and I shoved the emotions into a corner and never gave them a second look. Until today. I almost lost the man I lo-…I care about and that scared me more than anything."

"It's good you finally recognized it kiddo, because everyone else knew, we just were waiting for you two to wake up and realize you were more than a writer and his muse. Kate, have you told him any of this?" Martha asked, desperately trying to keep the happiness in her heart from gracing her elegant features.

"Well, not really…well it's complicated."

"Kate, life's complicated only when we make it complicated. Take it from me; life is simple when you are honest with yourself and with others. So try being honest with him."

"But…Martha I think I've lost him. When I was trying to save his life, I had to say some things to Rick that I knew would hurt him, but I needed to say them. I needed the captor's focus to be on me instead of Rick. So I said the things I knew would hurt him, just so I could get him out of harm's way. It was the only way to convince the captor that Rick didn't have to die. I couldn't let him die because…well, I realized I couldn't live without him. So I had to say that I didn't care about him, how nobody could care about such a childish, egotistical person, even though I do care, I care so much. It was the only way…the only way I could save him. But, the lies I told…they hurt him, Martha. So how can I be honest with him now, when he believes the lies?"

A tear slipped down Kate's cheek and she bit her lip, fighting for control over her emotions.

"No matter what you said, you saved his life. You chose to sacrifice yourself so that he could live. And for that, I will be eternally grateful. But now, there needs to be some damage control. It is obvious to me you didn't mean what you said, and he would be a fool to believe anything different. Let's go fix this, _together_."

"Martha, you really don't have to-"

"That's the thing dear, I really do. Let's go."

With that final remark, Martha stood up from the chair. Looking back at the detective she could see blind optimism in her hazel eyes. The lost child look was replaced by one of innocent joy and hope.

Martha reached out her hand to pull Kate to her feet. Hand in hand, the two women strode towards Castle's room.

Reaching the door, Martha gave a firm knock. Hearing no response, she turned to Kate and said, "Wait out here, I just want a minute alone with him. I will come get you when I am done." Kate nodded in response and leaned against the wall next to the room.

The door opened, and Martha was astounded by the view inside. This was the first time she had actually seen her son, and what lay before her shocked her to her very core. The pale, still form lying on the hospital bed looked nothing like Richard. It was a ghost of the man he usually was. Her heart constricted at the sight, feeling the hurt course through her veins. She crossed the room to sit in the chair next to his bed. As she sat, the old chair creaked, causing her son to stir from his sleep.

Castle creased his forehead at the noise, but didn't open his eyes. Thinking it was Kate coming back in, the writer said in a stony voice, "Beckett I thought I asked you to leave."

"Is that any way to speak to the woman who birthed and raised you?"

"Mother?" Castle's eyes shot open. He grimaced as the bright lights overhead seem to pierce through his skull. Blinking away the black spots in his vision, Castle turned his head slowly towards his guest.

"Yeah it's me kiddo. How are you feeling?"

"Mother?" Castle asked again, not fully wrapping his head around why she was here.

"Yes, yes. We've established that Richard."

"What are you-what are you doing here?" 

Martha rolled her eyes at her son. "Isn't it quite obvious, I'm here to visit my only son while he lies injured in the hospital."

It was Castle's turn to roll his eyes at her theatrics. Not being able to come up with a sarcastic comment, he remained quiet, staring at his mother expectantly. Martha leveled her son's stare and cleared her throat a little. This was where the hard part started.

"Well kiddo, how are you doing?"

"Fine, Mother. Where's Alexis?"

"Now don't go changing the subject Richard Castle! I know you too well. If it were a paper cut or a bruise you would whine like a little kid. But whenever you are actually hurt, you keep to yourself and put up this whole 'fine' façade," Martha replied sternly. And quieter she said, "Much like a certain detective we know…"

"Mother I'd like to know where Alexis is."

Castle said again, not letting the matter go. Martha sighed. _This is going to be harder than I thought._

"She went out to the store to buy a few things. Since we couldn't get in to the loft because of…well because, I sent her to the store to pick up some essentials."

_That means make-up and chocolate, _Castle thought. He turned his head back to look back up at the ceiling, suddenly finding the silence uncomfortable. His mother appeared to want to say more, and he had a bad feeling he knew what she wanted to talk about. He shut his eyes briefly; feeling the pounding headache he seemed to always have, intensify a few notches.

"Richard."

_Sigh._ He didn't like that tone of voice. It was her mothering tone; the one she seldom used and that he resented. He brought his good arm up and pinched the bridge of his nose, trying to ward off the hammering in his skull.

"Mother. I know what you are going to say. Just…don't."

"Richard Alexander. We will be having this discussion whether you like it or not."

"I can't right now. _Please._"

Martha's eyes widened, stunned at the pleading tone in his voice. She had never heard him sound like that. He sounded so defeated…so broken.

Castle opened his eyes and looked at his mother. The pain and sorrow Martha saw in those blue eyes made her heart ache.

"I know its hard right now, kiddo. But you can't run away when life gets hard. Sometimes the hardest things are the ones most worth doing. And there's a woman standing outside, scared out of her mind at the possibility of losing you. So I think it's time you gave her a chance."

"But-"

"No buts kiddo. It's time for you to accept what happened and to hear her out. I'm not saying you can't be mad, because you can feel what you want to feel. All I'm saying is to try and listen with an open heart and open mind."

Castle exhaled loudly. God, he didn't want to do this. Not one bit. But for once, his mother was right. He had to face this sooner or later.

"Okay. Send her in."


End file.
